A brilliant IDEA

Now, that's what I call a good series of advertisements. Idea's latest set of ads. promotes the 50ps per minute outgoing calls call rates. I have seen two of them.

The first one depicts two guys watching Tennis on TV in a typically messy bachelor's appartment. They are shown to be sitting next to each other on the bed, with one of them searching frantically for his mobile phone hidden away somewhere. Tells the other guy to call on his phone. The other guy coolly makes the call, and his friend(who's phone was buried somewhere in the room), picks up the call. Says, "thanks, the phone was here itself." The ad ends with the punchline, "Outgoing at 50p is a good IDEA!"

The second one is funnier. A group of guys playing cricket. The bowler, a rotund, but cricket enthusiatic looking guy, marks his bowling run up, and gets about 8 yards away from the bowling crease. From the umpire. Then calls up the umpire using his IDEA phone, to inform his, the side from which he is going to bowl. "Right Arm Over", he says. Again, the ad. ends with the same punchline.

As I said, good concept., but I feel that the same concept could have been better utilized had IDEA come out with a smaller pulse, like a 1 paisa per second rate or something close. Then, the ad. concept would have been more justified, given that, in both the ads., the guys spoke for hardly 2-3 seconds.

All in all, a funny ad. The same ads. can be found on YouTube.

That's it gentlemen, that's stumps.

The last day. End of another important phase of life. On second thoughts, not as important, especially, given that I had already worked earlier. But, it was a phase alrite, it was internship alrite. Have heard many speak about them having ‘interned’, at some point in their lives, and I joined the same bandwagon. By tomorrow this time, I would have officially passed out my internship

Unlike living in hostel. Which I never had the luxury of. Unfortunately. Not that it is a paradise of an existence by itself. Far from it. In fact, I realize that there is no better luxury than having a home to get back to, get home-made food, and most importantly, sleep on one’s own bed. But, putting up in a hostel, is something very different, and very special to achieve. It is something different from the mundane daily existence where you got your folks to worry to death for you. Where things are being spoon fed. I know that it is almost the case of ‘Grass being greener on the other side’, but it would have been different all the same. A-never-before-experienced feeling.

Coming back to the internship, I have a mixed sort of a feeling getting done. It means getting back to college, and I strongly wish that we did have a one year course, more like what some of the other colleges do. This would be beneficial for those who are sure what they want to get back into, thus, not wasting unnecessary time, and other resources. I am one of those few lucky souls, who is pretty convinced of the sector and the job profile I am looking at. An ideal situation for me would have been a hard, tough as nails, one year MBA course, after which I get out of the college, with some knowledge, that I do not realize during the course of acquiring it, that I have, but when I come out, and I look back, I exclaim, yes, things have changed. For good! Unfortunately what I have here is that after one whole year of absolutely no value add, I am back to college for another stint at honeymoon. It just does not augur too well for me.

But, at the other end of the spectrum, I also know my real reasons for trying to graduate from a B-School and the original motive is not yet lost on me. Hence, barring these few bouts of cerebral excesses, I am alrite with the concept of honeymooning for another year. Actually it is only 7 more months, after which, one should be able to realize one’s ambitions of getting into the jobs of one’s liking (or at least a job!) and get done with it.

The internship itself was not a lot to write home about. Learning was something that stopped within the first two weeks, after that it was more of a mechanical, repetitive kinds, lacking a challenge enough to stimulate the mind. But, then expecting it to be, would have been expecting the moon. Besides, it taught me patience. More patience. And it introduced me to my Project Guide and my 8th odd boss at that. And easily the most brilliant of them all. Hands down. Knows his job, knows what he wants, and a very uncluttered mind as to how to go about doing it. A hugely inspirational figure. A difficult act to follow.

JV between the Old and the New Queens

I had commented something on my previous post, but was asked by someone to post it instead.

Here goes:

According to media reports,

The new Princess has gone into a self imposed silence, and has decided not to talk to the media on this latest development. There are speculations that there is a merger on cards between the original Queen and the new one.

It is gonna be a 50-50 JV, with NP 'joking' only when DS is quiet and vice versa.Industry experts say this consolidation is going to be healthy for the Industry. But it will be the consumers who may have to bear the brunt of extra costs.

Let us remind you that, it is here that we had first broken the story of the winds of change in the Joke Industry.

The new Cobra...!

Something funny happened yesterday. NP cracked two ‘Cobra’ jokes, in a four way conversation between her, DS, Abhishek and me. Abhishek was a distant second with one joke. And surprises never cease, DS and me, were left with none.

I am repeating the conversation verbatim that occurred over the e-mails. Look at how even an innocent question from yours truly, leads to flood gates opening from the other end.

Scene 1, Act 1: DS forwards a joke. Nothing funny there. Happens all the time.

Sada and Ada
Once upon a time, Sada and Ada, visited a coal mine to find some diamonds.
Sada takes a right and Ada turns left.
Sada has only a shovel, but Ada had sophisticated diamond mining tools.
Yet, Sada finds a diamond but Ada doesn't (even after digging for 10 kms) !!!

Why ?

Kyonki...Hira hai Sada ke liye!

Scene 1, Act 2: Abhishek’s email id says abhishek.x.soni@whatever.com. I ask my question.

Pray tell me, what is this ‘x’ between Abhishek’s name and surname???

Scene 2, Act 1: Abhishek replies back.

this is my middle name " xavier", dint DS tell u abt this?

Yeah, this was the first CJ (Cobra Joke)

Remember, this a verbatim narration of the conversation, so, contrary to my image, I have added/modified/deleted nothing!

Abhishek elucidates two replies. One from me and one from NP.

Scene 2, Act 2A: My reply. Barely relevant.

Yeah, yaad aaya, DS had told us, this was the convo.

DS: you know, suno….suno…..suno…..Abhishek’s middle name is Xavier
Me: yeah? Mine is Subhashchand. And Chris Harris’s middle name is ZimZam. Damn.
NP: Yeah. Damn.

End of convo.

As I said, barely relevant.

The relevant portion comes now.

Scene 2, Act 2B: NP replies. Hold your breath. Cannot get funnier. Cobra Joke 2

Abhishek....
now u have crossed all possible limits...
so now u become the XAVIER COBRA..

No, that is that. Nothing more, nothing less. We also waited for the explanation.
Nothin came. We are all left in darkness.

Xavier Cobra? Some off breed of a rattlesnake? This one rattles our brains nevertheless.

Scene 3: All of us ask NP. Xavier Cobra?

Scene 4: NP replies.
Verbatim again. Cobra Joke 3.

Xavier COBRA bole to FIRANG COBRA.

Now, I so feel like opening a poll to decide whether, it is all over for DS or me, and to let NP be crowned the new Cobra Queen. No, there aint any debate on whether she should or not, but whether she should be crowned the Princess or Queen.

Note: The names have been changed to protect the identities. I don’t know from whom though.

A One Sided Match, My weight and a Tongue Twister!

Feels good to get back home at 3 in the afternoon. From office.

Especially when there is an India-SA match live on TV, with Tendulkar batting on 20 facing more than 8 overs himself. Naah, on second thoughts, especially when it is a Bangladesh-SL match live.

Snuggle up my bed under my warm bed sheet and doze off. Again, the dosage seems to be heavily sedative.

Will wake up to watch Scary Movie - 4 if the match gets too one sided.

--------------

If someone had told me four years back, that, I would soon need look at the pointer of the weighing scale shoot up more than required, I would laughed him off. Probably even, looked at him like he's from Mars.

So, imagine my surprise, when my doctor asked me to stop putting on any more of it! Now, I just checked, for my height, the idle weight is around 75-76 kilograms. I am 77-78. So, you would wonder what's the alarm? Simply speaking, I have never been on this side of the idle weight, the first time ever I have crossed over. It has always been under, rather than over.

Things need to change now! Planning to get a bicycle soon. Really soon.

---------------

Any idea what's a 'Pearler'?

Reference: "What a shot, that's a Pearler".

The commentator is Rameez Raja. Uses a lot of such words.

Pearler, pedigree, stress (instead of pressure that cricket is more famous for), excessive baggage (talks like a counsellor!) and so on.

Rameezisms? That sounds ticklish as well....Rameezisms!!

Task for the day, say this: "Repeat Rameezisms Regularly", five times, without a break. Let me know how you feel.

Why should you watch Aap Ka Suroor?

Himmesh Reshamiyya stars in his first ever movie as a leading actor. Releases this Friday. Now, I always wanted to watch it, unfortunately, the response from my friends is not very encouraging. In fact, I feel betrayed by some of them.

I saw Sivaji because of 'em. For 'em. Now they do not want to watch this one.

I am left alone.

I am left in the dark.

I am depressed.

I just do not know what to do.

My point here is very simple. If we could view Sivaji, then AKS is a must watch.

Here's why:

Sivaji: It is world famous in Chennai only.
Aap ka Suroor (AKS): It is world famous in whole of India

Sivaji: Rajni is world famous in Chennai only
AKS: HR is world famous in whole of India again

Sivaji: It is called Sivaji, the Boss. We will live all our lives under one, a Boss.
AKS: It is AKS, The real Love story. Emphasis on "Real" and "Story". What a contrast. I am sure, the movie's 'story' would be as original and refreshing.

Sivaji: Not very inspiring, or by now, I would be in a red colored shirt, white trousers, golden hair, flouroscent goggles and...etc
AKS: Am inspired already, without watching the movie. I dance to his tunes in the auto. I may end up qualifying for Boogie Woogie, if I watch it. A reasonable chance.

Sivaji: Didnt understand a word, and still laughed 26 times.
AKS: May still not understand a word, but will ensure that I laugh more than 26 times.

Sivaji: The lead actress was only 25
AKS: The "lead" actress is 16, and she has acted in 'Kyonki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi'. There, I am sure you did not know this. Must watch.

Sivaji: Rajni does not wear a cap.
AKS: There, another of those commonalities. Himmesh loves wearing caps! Don't I?

Sivaji: It had Vivek to make us laugh.
AKS: Apart from Himmesh, it has Mallika Sherawat and Raj Babbar who would fit into that role quite perfectly. One way or the other we would laugh. Surely. Guarantee.

Sivaji: The fight sequences are too unrealistic. Even after spending so much.
AKS: Promises to be realistic. Himmesh has spent only on choppers and as many as 10 BMW cars along with three Auto Rickshaws. This data is obtained directly from Wikipidea here.

Sivaji: I can proudly say that I watched it.
AKS: I would be able to proudly say I watched it, and people would actually be full of awe of me.

Sivaji: Rajni is a purported all rounder. But the man does not sing. Very Important in the make up of a lead actor.
AKS: Himmesh "sings". He feels a total empathy towards the common man and sings. That is why he sings like one. Hear me or Priyesh or him, there would hardly be any difference.

After so much Secondary Research, I am so sure, people, read friends, would definitely want to accompany me. If they still do not, I think they would be missing out on something BIG.

Something I would live to tell my grand kids. They would not. That is such a sad thing.

A Different Weekend!

Three 'happening' days of an extended weekend. And every chance that it gets further extended by another day. A bad bout of viral infection laid me low on Friday, and right now, I am feeling too weak to even walk from one room to another. Till yesterday, talking was also a major issue, and some friends heaved a sigh of relief. Naah naah, kidding there! People were actually sad. OK, kidding again! Wonder which one of the two was taken more seriously there!

---------------

The worst section of the past three days was yesterday in the morning, when fever was at it's peak, the TV was not working and the Internet had gone for a toss. And sleep? Impossible to sleep for me when the fever has engulfed me. For three hours, I was lying on my bed, staring at nothing, then straing at my ceiling, then back at nothing, without TV or internet and definitely without any strength to get out of my house.

The only thing that I could do is "think". Despite myself, it was a wonderful feeling. Thinking of a whole loads of, as they say, 'random stuff'. Some thoughts, which obviously I cannot put down here, left me a bit numb, but that's how it is.

---------------

The one so-called bright spot was the India-Ireland match that I could watch in the day.
One Sided surely, but it was good to watch some cricket, knowing that I could have no other plans. Liked the Irish atmosphere, cool, pleasant to watch, handful of spectators relaxing at the ground, a look of the match being played in probably the early 1900s!

---------------

I slept at 4.30 Friday night. Or morning, whichever way you look at it. Simply because, I could not get any sleep at all. I would have barely slept for about an hour, when something dreadful woke me up. Probably, not as dreadful as I make it sound to be, but it sure was wierd. This was before I was running any fever. So, I wasn't hallucinating either.

I woke up from a dream. In this one, I was with a friend. I tell my friend, that I am not feeling too well. I am feeling dazed and giddy. The friend challenges me to get up. I try to, but I fall back on my friend. But I smile, and start to walk. The giddiness gets better of me, and I fall down. And I also wake up. Wake up from this dream. Now the wierd part is, that when I woke up, I was feeling mightily giddy. Finding it very difficult to sit up in my bed. And then I recollected the dream. Strange!

---------------

"Scary Movie" has been one saviour for me in these three days. Have finished watching the forst three parts of the movie, and now will continue with the fourth. More often than not, funny, sometimes, in a very crude way, slapstick, but, very well made. My favourite is the third part, probably because I have watched most of the spoofs covered in the movie, but overall it is funnier as well, without alluding to the "more than necessary" vulgarity.

Probably now, I should watch all the original movies on which the spoofs were made.

The Evening

The clouds are grey. Depressingly grey at that.

The roads are wet as well. But the smell is not what you associate with the rains. There are no smells in fact. Like artificial roses.

The buildings look drenched. Like someone's who's forgotten to towel himself after bath.

The roads glisten and look slippery. The umbrellas are all black. As black as the birds on the roof.

Song's Laari Chhooti. At least it ends on a happier note.

As if this was not enough a reminder, I have been sneezing since morning. I am unshaven.

And then I hear rain.



The room does not have a window sill to peep out from.

That is good. Bloody good.

'Funny' Joke of the day - 3

Q. Who is called female Java?

A. Java'Gal' Srinath

Five minutes can change your life!

In my college and Mastek friend circle, I was known to be a bad planner of get-togethers. I would blame it on luck though. I was an unlucky planner. Each time I planned something, even a week before the event, someone would end up pulling out and then, like a cycle falling in a cycle stand, the rest would back out as well. So much, that I almost stopped making plans. Became a part of just enjoying them. Consoled myself by saying that, some people make plans, others enjoy 'em.

I decided to do the 'enjoying' bit.

Now, the reason why I write is not because I feel a sudden urge to crib. Far from it. In fact, today, something very surprising - pleasantly at that - happened, that which was also totally unexpected.

Seen a typical Bollywood Slapstick Comedy movie? Something like a No Entry? Or any of such countless lot. Movies that use hyperboles aplenty and coincidences galore to drive home a point. Something like that.

It had been a peaceful day. A lunch with Jeetu and Pooja was all that was to write home about. At Atria mall.

It stuck 5.45. Like it did daily. Twice.

I had no work. Almost like daily.

I packed up. Got out of the office. Got into my bus.

Thought about the evening plans. Nothing so interesting there in the middle of the week.

Opened 'Timeline' and had barely read a page or two, when the cell phone rang.

I knew it would be Peeya.

"Hey babes!"

"Huh? Praneet here."

Alrite, so I had made the cardinal mistake of assuming. Assuming that it would have been Peeya. Thankfully, it was only Praneet. Lesson No. 1 of the day!

I wonder what would have happened, had it been my Boss.

Or worse, my mum. My dad.

The possibilities were innumerable, and frightening.

"You still there?"

"Yeah."

"What plans for tomorrow?"

I had big plans for 'tomorrow'. And interesting ones as well.
Needed to attend a web seminar on SAP. At 8.30 p.m.

I reply, "Sorry mate, cannot meet you tomorrow, boss's treating all us Interns at Mainland China. How about day after?"

Yeah rite. Mainland China it seems. Could very well have been the midnight buffet at Renaissance.

MBA teaches you to lie so easily.

He thinks for a full one minute. Says he will call me back.

I sigh. Keep the cell phone back. The light on the mobile screen had not even gone, when the cell rings again.

"Hey Praneet!"

"Abey Deepshikha bol rahi hoon, yeh Praneet kaun hai?" (This is Deepshikha, now who's this Praneet)

Thankfully it was not as bad as "hey babes" this time. Lesson No. 1 not learnt yet. Lesson No. 2 of the day.

Then, another horrifying thought strikes me. It is only 6 in the evening. Does she want us to go for another Tam. movie? Or worse, Sivaji in Telegu? Again, the possibilities are frightening.

I am still thinking.

"You there? Why do you always go into a slumber mode while talking to me?"

"Yes...I mean no....I mean yes, I am there, and no, not in any mode, just could not hear you with all this back ground noise. Tell me." Noise in background? It was as peaceful as a white pigeon.
I say all this with apprehension of another impending idea.

"I am free right now, coming over to your place for dinner."

Relief. Huge one at that.

I say ok. Anything is better than going for another such movie.
And besides, I have no plans for the evening.

I keep the phone back into my pocket. And it rings again.

This time, I check it, it is Praneet again.

"Alrite, so, come over today to Andheri, we will meet there."

Huh?? Till about 4 minutes back, I had nothing to do on this Wednesday evening. Now, I had my plate full.

I ask him, what time.

"Reach Andheri by 9 p.m."

I do a quick calculation. Deep and NP come home by 7, dinner done by 8.30, takes about half an hour to reach Andheri. I can meet him by 9.

"OK. Done."

In a time span of 4 odd minutes, two plans made. I felt as elated as a salesman who's finalized two deals in a day when his target was one for the week!

Will update about the 'actuals' of my evening some time later.

‘Factorization of Algebraic Expressions’

Yesterday, I had a trip back to the memory lanes of the Mathematics of class nine. ‘Factorization of Algebraic Expressions’ I saw.

No, I have already taken all the possible entrance exams possible, so I was not the one who was doing the studying. It was my neighbor who had come over to my place. Dad’s his private tutor. Dad’s got a dozen of them, ranging from class 5th to 9th and he’s decided to offload some on to me. Yeah, I am going to ‘tutor’ some of these ‘young turks’ in my favourite subject, Mathematics!

Yesterday was my first day. I make it sound like I was the student, and it was my first day at school, but that was how nervous I was. I had not even read the stuff before he entered the room. I had not prepared the lines. So, the nervousness tingled for some more time. And then, we began. Began an hour long sojourn, with its twists and turns and doubts and formulae and shortcuts and….well, it was not as complicated as I make it out to be, but it was a different experience altogether. It was like going back to one’s school, only to be on the other side. I could actually relate to the questions that arose during the session. And then there were also times, when the boy left me exasperated with his inability to grasp stuff which I perceived as ‘basic’. When I had to tell him that ‘minus into minus is equal to plus’. But, in the end, I managed to adjust to his pace. His style of grasping.

Hopefully, the future sessions would reveal more of how much Math he has grasped!

A fun experience, and probably a foray into my post-retirement plans!

P.S. The funniest part of the whole affair was at the end, when I had to give him some homework. Homework I said? I still don’t believe this!

Change in Interests

Is it the performance of the Indian Cricket Team, a break from the “rigmarole” of B-School pressures or plain boredom that I have begun to view the telly more than before.

So, ‘Big Boss’ is quickly followed by a growing interest in ‘Indian Idol’, discussions have often veered towards the impending Bipasha and John break-up and the next guest on ‘Koffee with Karan’ has been lapped up with equal keenness.

The last straw to break my back could just be the K-serials, and given that I have already had one conversation on it, I see no reason why I should not start watching the soaps. That would be some day eh?

Thankfully, the last few days have also seen a spurt in the number of books read by me. Thanks to the M&M library. Most of the Grishams are out of the way.
Works of never heard before authors like David Baldacci have been read and re-read and replaced by newer authors. The latest book that I have laid my hands on is Michael Crichton’s ‘Timeline’, something that I always wanted to read. Because I had heard a loads of good stuff about it. So, that’s really keeping me occupied.

But the biggest change that’s been brought about in me – I have started blogging. It began only as a hobby of writing about cricket. It then spread to others. I never knew that writing could be so soothing. Almost therapeutic. A solution to at least some of the issues one faces in one’s own mind. It did take some form of adversity to make me realize it, but, it is a nice feeling. To be able to pen down one’s ecstasies and woes alike.

That's it for the day, I realise that with just 10 odd days left for the internship to end, I would also need to conjure up a document to show for the past fifty days of 'work'. Signing off for the day...

A"Long" Weekend!

My day yesterday was a long, long one.

Began with 'Shivaji' with NP, Deep and Abhishek. For more on that, click
http://suneerchowdhary.blogspot.com/2007/06/shivaji-film-review.html

Post that, came the more painful part. Shopping. More importantly, giving company to two gals who were on a shopping spree. Wasn't even allowed to talk with Abhishek. Damn. Deepshikha got lost, with her mobile phone kept with Abhishek. Remained untraceable for the next 15 minutes. One "butler-tanni" then informed us about the whereabouts of Her Highness. Located her.


Post Movie and Shopping

Lunch was at 'Sitting' Rasraj. After a long, long time. Like that place. And the food is great as well.

Then, of all the places on which we could stand and converse, we found the bank across NMIMS to do so. Stood there and conversed till the cows came home. Or more pertinently, till it started raining.

Re-entered college, saw a few juniors getting ragged, caught up with a couple of them, and again, spoke amongst ourselves about nothing at all. And then created a coup of sorts by managing to convincing Deep to get to Bandstand! A couple of unexpected smses from a friend had me surprised there, for sure.


The 'Sitting' Session in College

Talking of Bandstand, it is another place, which I have grown to like over the period of time. And it was not always the case with me. I, slowly and steadily, got converted. And lots of the credit must go to Peeya for this. She cajoled, coaxed and forced me into visiting it more often, till I saw what she saw.

The "bhutta" there, though was exorbitantly priced. 20 bucks. A 400% premium on the usual rates.

Dinner consisted of Biryani at Lucky's. And then home coming at 11.

A twelve hour day, and a fun one at that!

I could actually watch Shivaji again.

Shivaji - A film review.

Watched Sivaji. The Tamil movie.













Came back home.

P.S. - Understood almost nothing. Probably it was better that ways. Rajnikanth acted like a Shaktimaan, Superman, Spiderman, He-man, Batman, Jackie Chan, James Bond, Jack Sparrow, Vinod Kambli and so many other characters combined in one. You seriously got to watch it to believe this statement. We laughed 26 times in the movie and 24 times out of that, we laughed because others did so. Twice we laughed alone.

A Sri Lankan guy from HLL sat next to me and explained whatever he could. The actress was cute and hot at the same time. For her, dancing meant shaking her waist to the right, and then to the left, and continuing this till the song ended.

And lastly, the last background score is just AWESOME. Someone please send it to me

The Telephone call that changed my life

I slept at 3 last night. For some reason I was restless, and took me all of 1 Valium and a warm glass of Brandy to push me to bed.

Unfortunately, I realise the effects of Valium today. Someone looking at me would think I have just returned from China. So weary and small, my eyes look. Almost like a hangover from last night.

Anyways, I was on my way to office today. The clock had just ticked to 9 a.m.
I hear the familiar ring of my cell phone(yeah, the Airtel guys finally answered my pleas).

Deepshikha calling.

Surprising, this is normally her wake up time. Alrite, not quite, but way too early for her to be calling me up. I take her call.

We exchange pleasantries. Try so hard to think of a joke.

The Valium just does not allow me.

Then she drops the bombshell.

"Let's watch 'Shivaji - The Boss'", she says.

Suddenly, I am wide awake. Valium's lost it's charm. So has the brandy.
The objective that coffee could not achieve has been done by that one statement of Deepshikha. At least for now.

I rub my eyes. More so my ears.

I am silent for a full 30 seconds.

"You there? Did you hear me?"
"Yeah"
"So, try finding out about the tickets, and their availability."
"Huh?"
"Why are your conversational skills as extinct as a Dodo today?"

Finally, I groan.

I reply, "You want us to watch Shivaji???". Me, Nyasa, Abhishek and Almighty knows who all.

"Yeah, and I thought, you would jump at the offer."

Right now, I feel like jumping out of my vehicle.

"So, anyways, get to office, and find out about the same. We will go for tomorow's morning show. Try finding out about the movie dubbed in Telegu."

Telegu. Tamil. Kannada. Oriya. How does it matter to me?

She continues, "You know, Rajnikant got paid 50 crores for the movie."

I correct her, "It's 37."

Jeetu had told that to me over lunch yesterday. So had Vishwa. Feels so good to have friends like them, who talk about how much Rajni got paid for this movie. And about other movies.

"Yeah, whatever, just find out about the darned tickets."

Darned? So, now it is darned?

I say ok.

The phone goes dead. I stare at it for a full minute now.

Then I wonder. Life's come down to this.

I am going to watch 'Shivaji, The Boss'. In Tamil. Preferably in Telegu.

I call up my dad. Timings and all need to be known.

The conversation with Dad leaves him mildly amused as well.
That, would be an understatement for me.

I try to visualise myself watching the movie.

I wonder if the cinema hall guys could provide me a table lamp.

I like reading.

Especially in movie halls.

It's just a cell phone guys...

It’s been one day now. Exactly 24 hours since my cell phone rang. Or I got an sms.

Or I made a call.

They say it will take another twenty four before I will be able to achieve any of the above mentioned objectives. Surprisingly, I am not irritated. Always thought that I would.

I am at peace with myself. And with the fact that it will take some time before I get my connection back.

I can definitely wait for another day or two for it to start functioning again. Not dying for it to ring. After all, it is just a phone.

It is not a problem that I haven't spoken to some whom I always did, in the last 24 hours or so, I will live on. So would they. No problems at all.

Just a mobile phone.

P.S. If you are one of those Airtel guys reading this one, kindly note, that I have already called you up thrice today, and each time, you promised me that the connection would be up and running in the next one hour. But nothing of that sort has happened. I may consider severing it permanently and switching to Hutch. I need to make a couple of real urgent calls and it is not feasible for me to get to that telephone booth every time. This is simple and pure harassment. Do some thing…get my phone up, and QUICK...hrumppph!

'Funny' Joke of Day - 2

Santa goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind. Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell.
Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.

The waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him, "Bhaaisaahab, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aayi..?"

At this, Santa says, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karo..."

*** I had a mind to convert this Joke into English, and did it as well. However, it turned out to be funnier than I could digest, hence the pure, original, unadulterated version!

Sent by: Leena

Ohh...for some breakfast

These days, I have begun to neglect my breakfast. Wake up later than I ought to, and procrastinate the same. Think, I will have the same in the office, and by the time I get to office, it is almost too late to have it.

Today was different. Reached office on time, and to top that, was hungrier than usual as well. Marched into the pantry. And lo and behold, what do I see on the menu?

Today's Breakfast:
Upma.

Damn. Why do they do this to me? Upma of all the things today?

This is another clear cut case of Murphy's Law coming true.
"When you shouldn't be having breakfast, you will never be able to have it."

Alrite, I just made that up, but what the hell?

Not unexpectedly, I had to make do with a Sandwich.

How much are you 'running' NP!? ;)

I begin with wishing one of my dear friends, NP, a very Happy Birthday. Now had she been 12, I would have definitely said so. But, given that it's her birthday, and she has already borne the brunt of many of our "age-old" jokes (or is it 'old-age'?!!), I will stop it that. So, here goes, Happy Budday NP!

So, we met yesterday, at this place at Oshiwara, called Chawla, the Dhaba. Name sounds something the movie, Daag, the Fire, isn't it? When I first heard of it, I thought it is a Punjabi name, Chawla da Dhaba, but the 'da' in the middle turns out to be 'the'. So, a Punjabi name suddenly turned out to be quite English.

And here, I must also make a mention of the fact, that for the first time in the history of finding and getting to a place, I not only did not find myself getting lost, but also was the first to reach. And for the next forty five minutes, the only one of two people. The other being Aditi.

The rest of the night was fun, and what else do you expect when the two CEO cobras, cast their spell, and wove their magic, on the rest of the gang, enticing, cajoling, imbibing and torturing the rest with their inimitable 'humor'. What better reward for the two of us, Deepshi and I, that Abhishek joined in the fun with some of his original, 'quick-witted' jokes.(Incidentally, there were three people by that name, Abishek, thankfully no confusions arose). Some of his jokes have already been enlisted in the Cobra Hall of Fame, and would soon be posted. (and if that was not enough, I get a nice lil 'forwarded sms joke' from Abhishek at 2 in the night, which constituted a cockroach, a make up kit and a lip paint. You can form the rest of the joke any which ways you please!)

Amidst all this, the budday girl...woman...(!!!), completed her ceremony, blew off the candles, cut the cake, got her face painted with a combination of white cream, red cherries, green vegetables and what not. Deepshi even hit upon this wonderful idea of using the other vegetables and fruits in the restaurant to make for a good photography session, but thankfully all that did not materialise (there is a hint of exagerration there). However, for some time, it did seem that Abhinav would end up getting his face smeared with the same stuff, but thankfully, even that moment passed.

There were other small, cute moments that occurred,

a. A couple of sips into her drink, Deepshi stopped joking.
Meaning: She was already high.

b. A couple of sips into his drink, Abhishek started cracking jokes.
Meaning: same as above.

c. Abhishek and Abhinav's drinks got exchanged.
Meaning: The waiter was also high.

d. I ordered for a 'never-heard-of-before' Mocktail, Angel's Kiss
Meaning: It was a kiss alrite, of Apple Peel, and Milk Cream. I guess, my much cherished dream of having milk when the rest of the Gang would be into Alcohol, got fulfilled. Ritika's assesment of the drink was the best, "it tastes like Rotten Strawberry Milk Shake." I surely cannot deny that.

e. Abhinav cracked some good jokes.
Meaning: He cannot join the Cobra Gang for now, there is a threshold you got to fall below, before getting into it.

f. Ritika and Aditi were on their phones.
Meaning: Someone called them up!

g. My digital camera did not work.
Meaning: Murphy's Law does hold true some time.

Overall, a fun filled evening, which also meant that I have hit a "Goal" from office today. Huh? Alrite, I meant, that I have called in sick today.

Thanks NP, and err....how much are you running now? :-)

"Funny" Joke of the Day - 1

Starting today, I am going to update this blog with a "Funny" Joke of the day heard.
It is imperative that you note the Quote-Unquote marked at the beginning and the end of the word FUNNY.

The "Funniest" Joke at the end of the month, will win a collection of really Funny Joke Book. He/She will have to pay for the same.

At the end of the year, we will have a grand 'Bus-kar' "Best Joke" Awards Night, where a winner will be felicitated with some award. Not thought of what.

Decision of the Judges will be final.

Here goes...

Q. Why did the gentleman bend down on seeing a train?
A. Because the train went "Jhhuk Jhhuk Jhhuk"!

Courtsey: Deepshikha Murthy

P.S. For the uninitiated, that is the sound a moving Train makes, in Hindi. Yeah, Indian Trains talk in Hindi only!

Quiz on 'Blogthings'

The following was the result of a "Blogthings" Quiz I took...
"Optimist or Pessimist", it said!

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass. You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is... But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on. You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

Indian Idol

I am a convert. A definite one. It's taken me two years, but it is never too late I guess. Indian Idol has grown onto me like an unconventionally good looking girl does over a period of time. The same's happened with me, vis-a-vis Indian Idol.

I started watching after a friend jokingly asked me to. Challenged me to. Exorted me to.

There was no cricket on TV. I reasoned out, what the hell, if I could sit through Big Boss, why not Indian Idol. And the first episode that I viewed, the cynical side of me couldn't help itself. Criticism about how the hosts (basically the Production Team), waste time and create unnecessary suspense. Make technical mistakes in the process. And that completely overshadowed the glaring fact that the singers were good. More than good in the hindsight. Awesome would be a better word.

The next few episodes quickly saw me make that transition from being a critic to thoroughly enjoy the singing performances. Unfortunately, I have not had the chance to have Anu Malik give his expert opinions so far, but apart from that, the three Judges have been reasonably sober. Udit Narayan does try to act cool some times. One such instance was when after a singer's performance, he stood up. People thought he would be on his marks to give the Singer a standing ovation, or probably a round of applause.

Our man, instead, gets up from his seat and looks at the singer. Pauses. And says, "Aapne kaafi achha gaaya."(You sung well). In true Udit Narayan style. Wonder whether he was exercising his bored limbs. But I think it only adds to the overall fun. And it surely is fun.

With the obvious seriousness related to any competition. The joys and sorrows, the agonies and the ecstasies, and the other vagaries for the participants. Some have already packed their bags and gone home, some are front runners to take 'Trophy' home.

Lastly, hats off to the mental toughness exhibited by one of the participants, Ankita, who lost out, but still managed to keep a brave, smiling face, and actually sang like she's just won, and not lost. Need more of them around.

Bring on the ban...

I hear that there is a call to ban people from accessing Orkut in cyber cafes. Planning to put something like this?
"Visiting Porn Sites and Orkut is not allowed in this cyber cafe." Ooo lala!

Then I think, Blogs should also be banned, because I am so sure, there would be people writing about Objectionable Material(OM) on Blogs as well.

How about E-mail chains? That could also be used to propagate a lots of OM within the people. And very frankly, who wants to end up getting a mail sent to 87 other people, exorting it to be forwarded all the people on the recipient's address book in the next seven and a half minutes lest the recipient turns into a toad. Ban it baby.

What's next on cards? Talking?

Basically, if someone puts a bad community up on Orkut, you ban everyone from using Orkut, some one talks shit, uses unparliamentary language, you use the same yardstick and ban it. Don't allow people to talk honey, let's all get to the stone age, and get some peace.

And yeah, that would also ensure that we would no longer be able to wish others a happy Valentine Day.

Yawnnn...

Someone asked me to fill this. Have nothing else and better to do.
Here goes...

I am thinking – about the weekend and it’s plans.
I said – nothing, am unusually quiet today!
I want – to book my tickets to Chandigarh really quick!
I wish – I could play cricket more often.
I miss – the summer of ’99.
I hear – my cell phone ring, wait…brb!
I wonder – why did things go the way they did in the last three months or so.
I regret – almost nothing.
I am – Suneer…koi shak?
I sing – “Laari Chhootti” from ‘Ek Chaalis….’
I dance – in my bathroom and in the autorickshaws of Mumbai.
I am not – a lot of things that people think that I am!
I write – because I think it is the best form of expression.
I hate – people remembering you only in the times of distress.
I confuse – between bus numbers, directions and geographies of places
I should – be more selfish

Noida to Southex and back

No, I don't think that Delhi is a bad city. It is just that I am from Mumbai, and the experience I had on my last trip to Delhi made me a bit apprehensive of the same. Couldn't help compare it with Mumbai. But fret not, I wouldn't dare to compare the two here, this is not just the right forum. Just wanted to share a couple of "memorable" experiences I had on my last trip there. Been half a dozen months, but it may just help to get it out of my system.

I am placed at Noida. It is January. It is cold. Especially for a guy from Mumbai, for whom the definition of winter is "the season in which you sweat less than the summer".

I need to meet a friend for dinner at Delhi. South-ex, if I am not wrong. I get into a bus.

Me (to the guy distributing tickets): Does this one go to South-ex.
Him: This bus goes everywhere. Ten bucks for the same.

Huh? That's actually the last time I get amazed during the journey. The rest of it is a blur.

I wonder whether this was the bus from that famous Fevicol advt. depicting all those travellers sticking out of the bus. At least looked similar from rear.
Inside, both my feet are almost in air. No, they are definitely in air. Fellow travel comrades stick to me like they have done it all their lives. It was a good thing that I had been practicing traveling in the Mumbai Local trains a week before getting there.

Just like Tendulkar had practiced playing in the rough before Shane Warne came to India. I think of Indian Cricket. My mind gets diverted from the current predicament for a while.

Anyways, I am breathing in only carbon dioxide, and the conductor seems hell bent on sucking in more people. Wonder whether the vehicles in Delhi are tested for CO2 with passengers inside.

Somehow, I get to South-ex.

Or so I think.

It is not South-ex. I think I have got down at the wrong stop. As I invariably do.

No. Apparently the bus that I had got in never had South-ex as one it's listed destinations. The "conductor" had duped me of my precious ten rupees. Damnit. Small matter that I was still 30 minutes away from South-ex. And already running late.
I get into a second bus. The conductor is a nice guy with a monkey cap. I suddenly realise it is cold. The journey is eventless. Nothing at all. Damn.

We meet. Friend and me. Friend hands over a monkey cap. What was it with monkey caps today?

Me: Why this?
Friend: Mum wanted me to take a jacket and some thermals as well, she thought you might feel cold in your half sleeve shirt.

I smile. Friend's parents think that I haven't heard of the stories of the Delhi Winter. I had. Apart from the Sensex and the Indian Cricket Team's performance, the only thing going down here was the mercury. But, so thoughtful and warm of them all the same. The only thing that was.

We talk. We dine. It is 9.30 p.m. Time to get back home.

Friend drops me till a point. There, I wait for a bus. After the previous incident I am a bit vary and picky about the bus I get into. Ask every guy whether it gets to Noida.

They look at me like I am on a changeover en route Mars.

They say there exists no such bus. No bus goes to Noida. I will need to take an auto.

I groan. Not for the first time in the day. I haven't heard too many good stories about autos there as well. The stories about skulls been discovered in Noida recently, echo in the throes of my mind.

A chill passes through me. I shiver. Cold and Fear gel to form a potent combination. I have no idea about directions in this alien city.

Noida suddenly seems light years away. One auto guy agrees to transport me. He asks for seventy bucks. I have no idea how much should it actually be. I don't know how, but I bargain. In spite of myself. So brave of me. So foolish of me.

We agree at sixty.

I get in.

Five minutes later, I am lost. Have no clue about the road, besides it is dark. No road lamps either. I am scared. As they say, "Shitting bricks and all that stuff in my pants" (Big Pants I would have to have). Probably because it's bitterly cold in an auto, going at 40 kilometer per hour.

Should have taken my friend's monkey cap. Damn.

Soon, ours is the only vehicle on the road. The watch shows 10.15 p.m. The city seems dark and dead. I feel the same for myself as well.

I wish I had a knife. Or even an AK-47. I make a mental note to learn karate when I get back. If I do.

I clench my fist, in case the driver tries something funny. It reminds me of the auto rides I had in Mumbai, at least I could dance to the Himmesh Reshamaiyya's tunes. Here, I was dancing to the auto driver's tunes instead.

Fifteen minutes later, he stops the rickshaw. I am no where near my place. It is pitch dark. No-one on the road. He looks back. I fear the worst. I think of the impending World Cup. I think of all those people who love me. I think of people whom I love. The two lists almost match.

Him: That's it. You will need to take another rickshaw.

I am surprised. I am relieved. I am worried. And then I realize my jaws are crackling against each other.

I thought I was a goner. But I am alive. I have no clue where I am.

I pay him. I get out. And suddenly another rickshaw arrives. Almost as if this rick-guy and the previous one had conspired to share the booty.

I tell him. He asks for another exorbitant amount to get me transferred there. This time, I have no fuel left in the tank to argue. I immediately agree and I almost exort him to get me home safe. Ten minutes later I am standing outside my hotel.

Safe. One piece.

Very very scared.

The watch on my wrist shows 11.00 p.m.

I aint no Senior...

The rains are here. So are the ‘Juniors’. Another week or so, and we would officially be crowned as ‘Seniors’ to a set of 200 odd students. In fact going through some of the “online meets” that the guys have organized, reminded me of our own foray back into the college. The Online, and the not-so-online meets.

Some one asked me, how does it feel to be a senior?

As if the feeling was as tangential as the answer to, how does it feel to be married, or probably how does it feel to be a father? How does it feel to hold aloft the World Cup?

Senior? *chuckle*

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A totally indifferent feeling. A feeling very similar to that, when I underwent this very transformation in Junior College and Graduation. Somehow, the Gyaan-Giving Sessions, Induction in the form Introductions and the so-called Connection during “Ragging” Rendezvous is not for me. Unless someone actually walks up to me and asks for it. They all say that MBA’s biggest take-home is the networking. Knowing more people than others. I call this a forced form of networking.

And even if networking is the reason, is this a way to go about it? Well, frankly, I have no answers. I just know, that I have survived, and decently so, over the last 25 years without making any conscious effort to network, and I think I will continue in the same vein in the future as well. Till, probably, it becomes impossible to.

Probably I am just too apprehensive of the word Senior. Given that the 8-10 year old boys that come home for tuitions from Dad, already address me “Uncle”. Probably it is the now-oft used term, “quarter-life-crisis” that bothers me and makes me want to be isolated. Probably the conversation I had with a friend who spoke about Giant Robots, He-man and even Ramayana and Mahabharata that we caught on that channel called Doordarshan not so long ago is still fresh in memory like it’s just happened yesterday.

Probably I should get back to playing cricket every Sunday evening.

I am only 25. Senior Citizenship begins at 60.

Mathematics tells me its 35 years away. So does Logic.

I want to sit back and enjoy life

A New Blog in the offing...

Cricket has broken off from it's parent entity, i.e. this Blog, and formed another subsidiary. The Initial Public Offering has already been made. This one will continue for all the Non Cricketing bit!

Kindly read the Red Herring Prospectus at
http://sonofapitch.blogspot.com

And yes, kindly comment!

Friday, Saturday and Sunday

Friday, a new month. June. Also the last day of the working week.

My day in jist yet...

9.30 am to 1 pm :- Tea, Breakfast on table, Moneycontrol, Cricinfo, Blogging, Attempt at sleep with eyes open.

1 pm to 2pm :- Lunch, not at table.

2 pm to 7 pm :- Tea, Snacks on table, Moneycontrol, Cricinfo, Blogging, Attempt at sleep with eyes open. (note the difference between the first slab of 'work' and this one)

7 pm to 7.15 pm :- A Long, "Important", meeting with Boss.

7.15 pm :- Pack my Bags.

But it couldn't have gone better after that.

Met up with the School guys, A and S. S seemed his excited self. Wounded me bad in the process. A was his cool self. Discussed a motley of stuff. Cricket, Pay cheques, Girls, their boyfriends, old classmates, older gossips about 'em, amongt other stuff.

Dinner came and went. And so did a session at the Shivaji Park Naturals'. As most of you guys would have guessed, Malai Vanilla with Mango Pieces was had. Licked clean. Heart felt satiated. Soul felt purged. And among other feelings, Bliss was at the top.

I was with my people.

Home coming reluctantly happened at midnight.

------------------------------------------

Saturday, first of the weekends. Second Day of the Month

For i = 1 to 5 do (I did!)

{
Slept.
Breakfast.
Orkut/Gtalk.
John Grisham.
End.
}

Some thing tells me that the word "End" should be outside the braces. Any software programmers? Anyways, who cares.

A small footnote about the John Grisham I read. King of Torts. Unimpressive. Did not live upto his standards one bit.

------------------------------------------

Sunday. 3rd June.

Early Morning Show of "Pirates of the Caribbean". 9 of us. I will be frank here, did not understand it.
Reason: Simple. Had not watched the first two parts.

Could have as well named the movie "Australian Cricket Team". They were the true Pirates of the Caribbean this year. At the World Cup that is. Bad Joke. One bad Joke a post is allowed for me.

Moral: Watch part 1 and 2 a couple of times before going for this one. Understand your history of PoC well. Toss a coin. This at least reduces your probability of spending 100 bucks to 50%

Lunch at Discovery. Chinese. NP's pharmaayeesh. Marketed by me. She says I am second only to Phillip Kotler. Wondering whether IT is the right line for me now. Or should I also sell soap?

Slept at home. Chatted with some old friends and started with another one. Frederick F. (can neither pronunce nor spell his last name.)

9 p.m. Koffee with Karan: Kidding? Did not watch it after this

10 p.m. Cricket Controversies:

Siddhu: Blah blah blah...Miniskirts....Statistics....Kid in Dance Bar...Air Hostesses....blah blah....I agree with Mr Dungarpur, Surinder Amarnath and the Media Guy
Mr. Dungarpur: (Quiet most of the time). I agree with Mr. Siddhu, Surinder Amarnath and the Media Guy.
Surinder Amarnath: (any cricket fan worth his salt could speak what he did, dont remember half the things)
Media Guy: But why can't Indian Cricketers unite?
Media Guy (again): I think the Indian Cricketers should unite
Media Guy (once more): Indian Cricketers are at fault because they do not unite
Media Guy (enough now): Indian Cricketers should form a chain and do something

Overall, I think, the host did not ask the right questions. At the right times.
Sonali Chandran does a much better job. Wish she was the host. A very sensitive Cricketing topic spoken about in a very frivilous manner. An utter waste.

Will Sleep now. Tomorrow is another day with Mr. Garrtner. Bless me.

The Storm before the Calm

Watched Dil Chahata Hai last week. After a long time, that is.

Had plans to doze off early that night. Hit the bed at eleven. And, at the eleventh hour decided to do some surfing. Mistake. Big Mistake. DCH ensured that I did not sleep before one.

There are certain movies, plays, TV episodes, entities….even conversations with people that are just perfect. One cannot think of modifying or wanting to modify anything in 'em. DCH is one such movie. A movie that uses understatements and silences to convey everything it wants to. And much beyond.

One scene that stands out in the movie is the one having Aakash pass by his college, and remember those better days, when he was with his closest friends. When life was so uncomplicated. When life was fun. He sees himself with the other two. The expressions on both the Aakash's face are unbelievable. Say a lot without saying anything. The music in the background is surreal. One of the very, very few movie scenes that make me go weak in my knees.

Watching the movie and remembering that scene right now, I also remember two people. People whose names I would not like to mention, but I still think about. I wonder where they would be. Got no clue about the same. Though, I do wish that our paths do cross some time. Where we get a chance to explain ourselves. And talk about the gibberish we always did. The three of us, together. Mind you, I am not sorry one bit for what happened. Not an inch.

But I would be the first to admit. I am selfish. I remember the two of 'em only when I want to. Remembering them is almost like an antidote to what happened. When I am sitting alone, the clock wanting to tick away to the next day, when nothing else works on my mind, when I get hit by a bout of those rhetoric…I think of them. The feeling of lifting the phone up and corresponding hits.

The feeling is like that of a pain that a masochist enjoys.

A feeling of loneliness that gives pleasure.

A feeling of valium-induced light headedness.

But, I do nothing about it.

And then I sleep.

Then comes the next day. Things are back to normal. Back to where they were before. Back to the rigmarole of the present, where the past has no meaning whatsoever, and the future is as mysterious. They had disappeared from my life and have long disappeared from the mind. Like a bad nightmare of the previous night. I soon suffer from amnesia.

It's better this way. It's calm. It's peace.

Except for those moments when I wonder. When the mind goes into a tailspin.

It's a serious calm otherwise.

Rain rain, go Away...Bloody it is just May!

A report on the first page of one the leading newspaper said, “Showers hit Mumbai, some rail services affected”. Or something to that effect.

I groan. Rail services affected??? With this much rain? It’s just the first of June. And it was less water that came down, than what I use to bathe daily. And that affected something as important as the Mumbai Train services? Bloody Delicate Darlings. I don’t catch cold that easily man.

I shudder to think of the heavy rains that Mumbai has witnessed over the last two years. Pardon me for being cynical, so does that mean that everything would get affected. Buses, Trains, Cabs etc. And what about those three wheelers called Ferraris (better known as auto rickshaws)? Wouldn’t at least them, be left for the rescue act?

What about sea services? Heard about a new sea route coming up here for commuting? Surely rains would not affect water. Or is the Mumbai rain bad enough to screw them up as well. Someone tells me that water services shut down first. Huh? Water affects water services? Criminal. Unfair.

What about hiring one’s own hovercraft. Or a jumbo jet. Don’t tell me that the rains falling on the wind shield of the jet, would prevent the driver (???) from proper viewing. Wonder why do they have a wind shield? Why not have a rain shield instead.

So, we are left with only one option.

Swim. Swim to and from my college. I hear that the Government has done a good soul searching and cleansing job. And in turn a good, drainage cleansing job. Swimming may not be that bad then.

Why, why does it still not motivate me to learn to swim, is beyond me.

I groan again. I hope I do not get a job in Mumbai. 26 years is a long enough time to face the Mumbai rains.

I just hope that my evening plans do not get screwed because of the rains. Else, it’s going to be a long, long day.

P.S. This is my 50th posted article on this blog, and I cannot even raise my bat to the pavillion because it's raining so hard!

P.P.S. On a more serious note, I would like thank everyone (wellwishers and critics alike) who has been directly or indirectly instrumental in encouraging me to continue writing.