A brilliant IDEA

Now, that's what I call a good series of advertisements. Idea's latest set of ads. promotes the 50ps per minute outgoing calls call rates. I have seen two of them.

The first one depicts two guys watching Tennis on TV in a typically messy bachelor's appartment. They are shown to be sitting next to each other on the bed, with one of them searching frantically for his mobile phone hidden away somewhere. Tells the other guy to call on his phone. The other guy coolly makes the call, and his friend(who's phone was buried somewhere in the room), picks up the call. Says, "thanks, the phone was here itself." The ad ends with the punchline, "Outgoing at 50p is a good IDEA!"

The second one is funnier. A group of guys playing cricket. The bowler, a rotund, but cricket enthusiatic looking guy, marks his bowling run up, and gets about 8 yards away from the bowling crease. From the umpire. Then calls up the umpire using his IDEA phone, to inform his, the side from which he is going to bowl. "Right Arm Over", he says. Again, the ad. ends with the same punchline.

As I said, good concept., but I feel that the same concept could have been better utilized had IDEA come out with a smaller pulse, like a 1 paisa per second rate or something close. Then, the ad. concept would have been more justified, given that, in both the ads., the guys spoke for hardly 2-3 seconds.

All in all, a funny ad. The same ads. can be found on YouTube.

That's it gentlemen, that's stumps.

The last day. End of another important phase of life. On second thoughts, not as important, especially, given that I had already worked earlier. But, it was a phase alrite, it was internship alrite. Have heard many speak about them having ‘interned’, at some point in their lives, and I joined the same bandwagon. By tomorrow this time, I would have officially passed out my internship

Unlike living in hostel. Which I never had the luxury of. Unfortunately. Not that it is a paradise of an existence by itself. Far from it. In fact, I realize that there is no better luxury than having a home to get back to, get home-made food, and most importantly, sleep on one’s own bed. But, putting up in a hostel, is something very different, and very special to achieve. It is something different from the mundane daily existence where you got your folks to worry to death for you. Where things are being spoon fed. I know that it is almost the case of ‘Grass being greener on the other side’, but it would have been different all the same. A-never-before-experienced feeling.

Coming back to the internship, I have a mixed sort of a feeling getting done. It means getting back to college, and I strongly wish that we did have a one year course, more like what some of the other colleges do. This would be beneficial for those who are sure what they want to get back into, thus, not wasting unnecessary time, and other resources. I am one of those few lucky souls, who is pretty convinced of the sector and the job profile I am looking at. An ideal situation for me would have been a hard, tough as nails, one year MBA course, after which I get out of the college, with some knowledge, that I do not realize during the course of acquiring it, that I have, but when I come out, and I look back, I exclaim, yes, things have changed. For good! Unfortunately what I have here is that after one whole year of absolutely no value add, I am back to college for another stint at honeymoon. It just does not augur too well for me.

But, at the other end of the spectrum, I also know my real reasons for trying to graduate from a B-School and the original motive is not yet lost on me. Hence, barring these few bouts of cerebral excesses, I am alrite with the concept of honeymooning for another year. Actually it is only 7 more months, after which, one should be able to realize one’s ambitions of getting into the jobs of one’s liking (or at least a job!) and get done with it.

The internship itself was not a lot to write home about. Learning was something that stopped within the first two weeks, after that it was more of a mechanical, repetitive kinds, lacking a challenge enough to stimulate the mind. But, then expecting it to be, would have been expecting the moon. Besides, it taught me patience. More patience. And it introduced me to my Project Guide and my 8th odd boss at that. And easily the most brilliant of them all. Hands down. Knows his job, knows what he wants, and a very uncluttered mind as to how to go about doing it. A hugely inspirational figure. A difficult act to follow.

JV between the Old and the New Queens

I had commented something on my previous post, but was asked by someone to post it instead.

Here goes:

According to media reports,

The new Princess has gone into a self imposed silence, and has decided not to talk to the media on this latest development. There are speculations that there is a merger on cards between the original Queen and the new one.

It is gonna be a 50-50 JV, with NP 'joking' only when DS is quiet and vice versa.Industry experts say this consolidation is going to be healthy for the Industry. But it will be the consumers who may have to bear the brunt of extra costs.

Let us remind you that, it is here that we had first broken the story of the winds of change in the Joke Industry.

The new Cobra...!

Something funny happened yesterday. NP cracked two ‘Cobra’ jokes, in a four way conversation between her, DS, Abhishek and me. Abhishek was a distant second with one joke. And surprises never cease, DS and me, were left with none.

I am repeating the conversation verbatim that occurred over the e-mails. Look at how even an innocent question from yours truly, leads to flood gates opening from the other end.

Scene 1, Act 1: DS forwards a joke. Nothing funny there. Happens all the time.

Sada and Ada
Once upon a time, Sada and Ada, visited a coal mine to find some diamonds.
Sada takes a right and Ada turns left.
Sada has only a shovel, but Ada had sophisticated diamond mining tools.
Yet, Sada finds a diamond but Ada doesn't (even after digging for 10 kms) !!!

Why ?

Kyonki...Hira hai Sada ke liye!

Scene 1, Act 2: Abhishek’s email id says abhishek.x.soni@whatever.com. I ask my question.

Pray tell me, what is this ‘x’ between Abhishek’s name and surname???

Scene 2, Act 1: Abhishek replies back.

this is my middle name " xavier", dint DS tell u abt this?

Yeah, this was the first CJ (Cobra Joke)

Remember, this a verbatim narration of the conversation, so, contrary to my image, I have added/modified/deleted nothing!

Abhishek elucidates two replies. One from me and one from NP.

Scene 2, Act 2A: My reply. Barely relevant.

Yeah, yaad aaya, DS had told us, this was the convo.

DS: you know, suno….suno…..suno…..Abhishek’s middle name is Xavier
Me: yeah? Mine is Subhashchand. And Chris Harris’s middle name is ZimZam. Damn.
NP: Yeah. Damn.

End of convo.

As I said, barely relevant.

The relevant portion comes now.

Scene 2, Act 2B: NP replies. Hold your breath. Cannot get funnier. Cobra Joke 2

Abhishek....
now u have crossed all possible limits...
so now u become the XAVIER COBRA..

No, that is that. Nothing more, nothing less. We also waited for the explanation.
Nothin came. We are all left in darkness.

Xavier Cobra? Some off breed of a rattlesnake? This one rattles our brains nevertheless.

Scene 3: All of us ask NP. Xavier Cobra?

Scene 4: NP replies.
Verbatim again. Cobra Joke 3.

Xavier COBRA bole to FIRANG COBRA.

Now, I so feel like opening a poll to decide whether, it is all over for DS or me, and to let NP be crowned the new Cobra Queen. No, there aint any debate on whether she should or not, but whether she should be crowned the Princess or Queen.

Note: The names have been changed to protect the identities. I don’t know from whom though.

A One Sided Match, My weight and a Tongue Twister!

Feels good to get back home at 3 in the afternoon. From office.

Especially when there is an India-SA match live on TV, with Tendulkar batting on 20 facing more than 8 overs himself. Naah, on second thoughts, especially when it is a Bangladesh-SL match live.

Snuggle up my bed under my warm bed sheet and doze off. Again, the dosage seems to be heavily sedative.

Will wake up to watch Scary Movie - 4 if the match gets too one sided.

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If someone had told me four years back, that, I would soon need look at the pointer of the weighing scale shoot up more than required, I would laughed him off. Probably even, looked at him like he's from Mars.

So, imagine my surprise, when my doctor asked me to stop putting on any more of it! Now, I just checked, for my height, the idle weight is around 75-76 kilograms. I am 77-78. So, you would wonder what's the alarm? Simply speaking, I have never been on this side of the idle weight, the first time ever I have crossed over. It has always been under, rather than over.

Things need to change now! Planning to get a bicycle soon. Really soon.

---------------

Any idea what's a 'Pearler'?

Reference: "What a shot, that's a Pearler".

The commentator is Rameez Raja. Uses a lot of such words.

Pearler, pedigree, stress (instead of pressure that cricket is more famous for), excessive baggage (talks like a counsellor!) and so on.

Rameezisms? That sounds ticklish as well....Rameezisms!!

Task for the day, say this: "Repeat Rameezisms Regularly", five times, without a break. Let me know how you feel.

Why should you watch Aap Ka Suroor?

Himmesh Reshamiyya stars in his first ever movie as a leading actor. Releases this Friday. Now, I always wanted to watch it, unfortunately, the response from my friends is not very encouraging. In fact, I feel betrayed by some of them.

I saw Sivaji because of 'em. For 'em. Now they do not want to watch this one.

I am left alone.

I am left in the dark.

I am depressed.

I just do not know what to do.

My point here is very simple. If we could view Sivaji, then AKS is a must watch.

Here's why:

Sivaji: It is world famous in Chennai only.
Aap ka Suroor (AKS): It is world famous in whole of India

Sivaji: Rajni is world famous in Chennai only
AKS: HR is world famous in whole of India again

Sivaji: It is called Sivaji, the Boss. We will live all our lives under one, a Boss.
AKS: It is AKS, The real Love story. Emphasis on "Real" and "Story". What a contrast. I am sure, the movie's 'story' would be as original and refreshing.

Sivaji: Not very inspiring, or by now, I would be in a red colored shirt, white trousers, golden hair, flouroscent goggles and...etc
AKS: Am inspired already, without watching the movie. I dance to his tunes in the auto. I may end up qualifying for Boogie Woogie, if I watch it. A reasonable chance.

Sivaji: Didnt understand a word, and still laughed 26 times.
AKS: May still not understand a word, but will ensure that I laugh more than 26 times.

Sivaji: The lead actress was only 25
AKS: The "lead" actress is 16, and she has acted in 'Kyonki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi'. There, I am sure you did not know this. Must watch.

Sivaji: Rajni does not wear a cap.
AKS: There, another of those commonalities. Himmesh loves wearing caps! Don't I?

Sivaji: It had Vivek to make us laugh.
AKS: Apart from Himmesh, it has Mallika Sherawat and Raj Babbar who would fit into that role quite perfectly. One way or the other we would laugh. Surely. Guarantee.

Sivaji: The fight sequences are too unrealistic. Even after spending so much.
AKS: Promises to be realistic. Himmesh has spent only on choppers and as many as 10 BMW cars along with three Auto Rickshaws. This data is obtained directly from Wikipidea here.

Sivaji: I can proudly say that I watched it.
AKS: I would be able to proudly say I watched it, and people would actually be full of awe of me.

Sivaji: Rajni is a purported all rounder. But the man does not sing. Very Important in the make up of a lead actor.
AKS: Himmesh "sings". He feels a total empathy towards the common man and sings. That is why he sings like one. Hear me or Priyesh or him, there would hardly be any difference.

After so much Secondary Research, I am so sure, people, read friends, would definitely want to accompany me. If they still do not, I think they would be missing out on something BIG.

Something I would live to tell my grand kids. They would not. That is such a sad thing.

A Different Weekend!

Three 'happening' days of an extended weekend. And every chance that it gets further extended by another day. A bad bout of viral infection laid me low on Friday, and right now, I am feeling too weak to even walk from one room to another. Till yesterday, talking was also a major issue, and some friends heaved a sigh of relief. Naah naah, kidding there! People were actually sad. OK, kidding again! Wonder which one of the two was taken more seriously there!

---------------

The worst section of the past three days was yesterday in the morning, when fever was at it's peak, the TV was not working and the Internet had gone for a toss. And sleep? Impossible to sleep for me when the fever has engulfed me. For three hours, I was lying on my bed, staring at nothing, then straing at my ceiling, then back at nothing, without TV or internet and definitely without any strength to get out of my house.

The only thing that I could do is "think". Despite myself, it was a wonderful feeling. Thinking of a whole loads of, as they say, 'random stuff'. Some thoughts, which obviously I cannot put down here, left me a bit numb, but that's how it is.

---------------

The one so-called bright spot was the India-Ireland match that I could watch in the day.
One Sided surely, but it was good to watch some cricket, knowing that I could have no other plans. Liked the Irish atmosphere, cool, pleasant to watch, handful of spectators relaxing at the ground, a look of the match being played in probably the early 1900s!

---------------

I slept at 4.30 Friday night. Or morning, whichever way you look at it. Simply because, I could not get any sleep at all. I would have barely slept for about an hour, when something dreadful woke me up. Probably, not as dreadful as I make it sound to be, but it sure was wierd. This was before I was running any fever. So, I wasn't hallucinating either.

I woke up from a dream. In this one, I was with a friend. I tell my friend, that I am not feeling too well. I am feeling dazed and giddy. The friend challenges me to get up. I try to, but I fall back on my friend. But I smile, and start to walk. The giddiness gets better of me, and I fall down. And I also wake up. Wake up from this dream. Now the wierd part is, that when I woke up, I was feeling mightily giddy. Finding it very difficult to sit up in my bed. And then I recollected the dream. Strange!

---------------

"Scary Movie" has been one saviour for me in these three days. Have finished watching the forst three parts of the movie, and now will continue with the fourth. More often than not, funny, sometimes, in a very crude way, slapstick, but, very well made. My favourite is the third part, probably because I have watched most of the spoofs covered in the movie, but overall it is funnier as well, without alluding to the "more than necessary" vulgarity.

Probably now, I should watch all the original movies on which the spoofs were made.

The Evening

The clouds are grey. Depressingly grey at that.

The roads are wet as well. But the smell is not what you associate with the rains. There are no smells in fact. Like artificial roses.

The buildings look drenched. Like someone's who's forgotten to towel himself after bath.

The roads glisten and look slippery. The umbrellas are all black. As black as the birds on the roof.

Song's Laari Chhooti. At least it ends on a happier note.

As if this was not enough a reminder, I have been sneezing since morning. I am unshaven.

And then I hear rain.



The room does not have a window sill to peep out from.

That is good. Bloody good.

'Funny' Joke of the day - 3

Q. Who is called female Java?

A. Java'Gal' Srinath

Five minutes can change your life!

In my college and Mastek friend circle, I was known to be a bad planner of get-togethers. I would blame it on luck though. I was an unlucky planner. Each time I planned something, even a week before the event, someone would end up pulling out and then, like a cycle falling in a cycle stand, the rest would back out as well. So much, that I almost stopped making plans. Became a part of just enjoying them. Consoled myself by saying that, some people make plans, others enjoy 'em.

I decided to do the 'enjoying' bit.

Now, the reason why I write is not because I feel a sudden urge to crib. Far from it. In fact, today, something very surprising - pleasantly at that - happened, that which was also totally unexpected.

Seen a typical Bollywood Slapstick Comedy movie? Something like a No Entry? Or any of such countless lot. Movies that use hyperboles aplenty and coincidences galore to drive home a point. Something like that.

It had been a peaceful day. A lunch with Jeetu and Pooja was all that was to write home about. At Atria mall.

It stuck 5.45. Like it did daily. Twice.

I had no work. Almost like daily.

I packed up. Got out of the office. Got into my bus.

Thought about the evening plans. Nothing so interesting there in the middle of the week.

Opened 'Timeline' and had barely read a page or two, when the cell phone rang.

I knew it would be Peeya.

"Hey babes!"

"Huh? Praneet here."

Alrite, so I had made the cardinal mistake of assuming. Assuming that it would have been Peeya. Thankfully, it was only Praneet. Lesson No. 1 of the day!

I wonder what would have happened, had it been my Boss.

Or worse, my mum. My dad.

The possibilities were innumerable, and frightening.

"You still there?"

"Yeah."

"What plans for tomorrow?"

I had big plans for 'tomorrow'. And interesting ones as well.
Needed to attend a web seminar on SAP. At 8.30 p.m.

I reply, "Sorry mate, cannot meet you tomorrow, boss's treating all us Interns at Mainland China. How about day after?"

Yeah rite. Mainland China it seems. Could very well have been the midnight buffet at Renaissance.

MBA teaches you to lie so easily.

He thinks for a full one minute. Says he will call me back.

I sigh. Keep the cell phone back. The light on the mobile screen had not even gone, when the cell rings again.

"Hey Praneet!"

"Abey Deepshikha bol rahi hoon, yeh Praneet kaun hai?" (This is Deepshikha, now who's this Praneet)

Thankfully it was not as bad as "hey babes" this time. Lesson No. 1 not learnt yet. Lesson No. 2 of the day.

Then, another horrifying thought strikes me. It is only 6 in the evening. Does she want us to go for another Tam. movie? Or worse, Sivaji in Telegu? Again, the possibilities are frightening.

I am still thinking.

"You there? Why do you always go into a slumber mode while talking to me?"

"Yes...I mean no....I mean yes, I am there, and no, not in any mode, just could not hear you with all this back ground noise. Tell me." Noise in background? It was as peaceful as a white pigeon.
I say all this with apprehension of another impending idea.

"I am free right now, coming over to your place for dinner."

Relief. Huge one at that.

I say ok. Anything is better than going for another such movie.
And besides, I have no plans for the evening.

I keep the phone back into my pocket. And it rings again.

This time, I check it, it is Praneet again.

"Alrite, so, come over today to Andheri, we will meet there."

Huh?? Till about 4 minutes back, I had nothing to do on this Wednesday evening. Now, I had my plate full.

I ask him, what time.

"Reach Andheri by 9 p.m."

I do a quick calculation. Deep and NP come home by 7, dinner done by 8.30, takes about half an hour to reach Andheri. I can meet him by 9.

"OK. Done."

In a time span of 4 odd minutes, two plans made. I felt as elated as a salesman who's finalized two deals in a day when his target was one for the week!

Will update about the 'actuals' of my evening some time later.