'Bandra Shopping'

Now, I don't live under the pretensions of being a shopoholic, but I am a patient co-shopper. I can stand for times without end - eternity in short - and assist with opinions and advice, till it is not shopping for myself. For myself, the whole process ends in a jiffy, think, select, pay, buy. A simple, four step process.

Without meaning to sound sexist, it does take a little more than that, amongst most of the women I have been shopping with. Which is okay, given that not everyone can be the same. But what happened last week, took the cake, and beat the living daylights out of the so-called patience levels I normally exude. So-called I say, because I realised then, that either my co-shopper needs some serious shopping advice, or I need Dabur Glucose Energy. Or Boost. Or whatever.

I was out for what she calls, 'Bandra Shopping'. She is X. I am naming her X as well.

So X takes me along with her for Bandra shopping which is defined as roaming on the streets of Linking Road, window shopping in windowless shacks, bargaining and haggling and involving co-shoppers for the same, not buying anything in the end, and most importantly, not entering a single shop whose turnover would be anything more than a thousand bucks a day. Which was the good part. The not so good one was when X actually decided to buy something.

That should have sent my alarm bells ringing and warned me. The dimwit that I am, I got real excited instead, X is actually going to buy. BUY from Linking Road.

So we reach the two way linking road, one that goes from Bandra to Mahim, the other that goes in the other directions. The shopping item(s) were ear rings and Osho Slippers. Under normal atmospheric conditions both these entitities can be obtained from the road that leads us from Mahim to Bandra. That fateful day, it was different.

Some BMC van had ensured that the hawkers had ben dispersed on all the sides of both the roads, ensuring that shopping may just not be easy. So here we are, on one side of the road, trying to search for the Osho guy, but finding nobody. Someone says he would be on the other side of the road. So, we attempt to cross the road. For simplicity, this was our first attempt, count the rest of 'em if you want to. Also, for people who are not too well versed with this portion of the Linking Road, crossing it is can generally be included as one of the tasks of a 'Who Dares Win' or a 'Roadies' Game show, and it could end up in a tough competition.

So, with a great difficulty we reach the other end, when Madam X decides to not buy Oshos at all, because she would have no space to carry them home - which incidentally is not Mumbai. She instead decides to have Pani Puri. I wait.

We cross back, because the ear rings are found on the previous side. We search for this man, and success kisses our feet. The guy is actually there, and Madam X maanges to settle for one pair of cute ear rings worth ten bucks. The only problem is that she finds it costly. Especially given that she is planning to buy two sets. Twenty bucks is damn expensive and she needs to haggle. The guy looks at her like she is a first. Madam X looks at him like he is not only the first, but has quoted a price thousand percentage above what he should have. The staring match lasts for a couple of minutes, after which the bargaining actually starts.

I join in after some time. For kicks. On my backside.

They settle at 18. At least she is happy. Little do I know that while one hemisphere of her brain was bargaining with the man, the other part was getting enticed into actually buying an Osho. So here we go, re cross the road to get to the other side. Thankfully, Oshos come at a fixed price, fifty bucks, and so, no bargaining transpires. Choice of the colour straps of the Oshos is a different matter though. Men may be deemed colour blind, but how would a dark blue on the thin strap of an Osho differ from a black is beyond me. The seller had only black straps, Madam X wanted dark bavy blue. Ten minutes into roaming on that side of the road, we get a blue. She buys two pairs.

Thank God for small mercies.

We cross back. Shopping seems to be done. This is when I the realisation dawns upon me that I am light years away from truth. And from home. Madam X decides that black straps on Osho may not be 'cool' for her, but it should do for her friends back home. So, here we go again. Back to the same guy across the road to search for the best fit black. This part takes barely anytime, what does is the fact that the hawkers who had gone into hiding - from the BMC Van that passed every couple of days - had returned on the other side. Which meant only one thing....

...more shopping, and crossing of roads.

An hour and a half later, at the end of the whole exercise, we had two pair of ear rings, a couple of Oshos and some very important lessons to take home. The first two were taken home by Madam X, the last bit - that came for free - by me.

P.S. Dropped P to the airport this morning and it was some weather in that wee hour of the morning. Almost as cold as a winter day in the North. Almost. And for a change, the city looked beautiful, not a word one normally associates with Mumbai.