I need to cross at the cross-road

I stand at a crossroad. I had been standing there for sometime, but was under no compulsion to cross it.

Today, I am.

Today, I need to cross it.

Today, for the first time in my life, I need to make a decision as big as this.

I can only pray.

N

Some months back, an old 'friend' contacted me. Let me name the 'friend' N. N's life was in a mess. And a bad one at that. It was going round and round, the better half had ceased to become one and N had no clue how to proceed. In the process N had also made some cardinal errors for which N may have had a heavy price to pay; luckily N escaped without issues.

N had been a friend for some time, before N had met up with this not-so-better half. Then, N had ceased to be a friend.

I, along with a couple of other friend, tried being around. We all tried assisting in getting N out of the rut. Surely enough, it took about six months of trying to get N out, but in the end, N did oblige. There were signs that N had begun to realise the futility of the whole thing and that was a beginning.

It was a stressful six months. All of N's tantrums, frustrations and stresses were borne by us; not to mention the whims and fancies at which the temper flew at some of us.

N met up with another better half. The usual happened. N got lost to us.

In the span of one year, N had come back, caused stress and grief - because that was what was happening in N's life - and gone away, because the stress and grief was gone.

N had done it again.

N was the second biggest mistake of my life.

Visa application process is terrible. Especially when it is for a country like Australia. I must have doled out reams of pages worth of documentation for the same, enough to make a tree out of the same. Rather, a whole, fully-grown tree would have been used to cater to the paper used. And they want some more.

Serious.

Unlike Aamir in Ghajini, I do not suffer from an amnesia of any sort, and I do not remember having spent too much time behind the bars; yet, the documentation could have been enough to put the fear of its maker in any criminal. Probably, it was something to do with the fact that they worship Ricky Ponting in the same vein that most Indians idolize a certain Sachin Tendulkar, and my comments about Ponting’s captaincy were not been taken too kindly by those also concerned with the visa.

Probably.

Anyways, I needed a bank statement from HDFC, the bank where I hold one of my accounts. They had sent it for all months between June and December, but October had been conveniently missed. Not a big problem per se, but Uncle Australia minds. So…call customer care.

Her: Dial 1 for….2 for…3…. (the usual)…also dial 13 for…23 for…35 for…. (so now they have gone into double digits)…yawn….100 to talk to police…101 for ambulance…102 for fire brigade… Don’t remember half the numbers I dialed to finally get through…
Another her: Hello, this is (some name I don’t remember), how can I help?
Me: (Tell her about October problem)
Another her (AH): Alright…please give me your…(a list of security checks)
Me: (share all the not-so-gory details)
AH: Alright, so you want to lodge a complaint for non-receivement?
Me: (receivement does not sound good, does it?), No Ma’am, this is not a complaint, just want my statement, would be more than happy.
AH: Then you need to talk to Relationship Manager.
Me: And where is he?
AH: No, I mean, you need to talk to YOUR Relationship Manager
Me: Do I have one? Which relationships does he look after?
AH: Yours.
Me: Huh?
AH: Your relationships with our bank.
Me: Oh, alright. (I guess I am slow)
AH: So, do you want me to set you up with your relationship manager?
Me: (the words ‘set you up’ and ‘relation’ don’t sound too ‘banking’ when used together)
Me: Yeah, whatever, if that expedites the process.AH: Okay, will put you on hold for a minute. She forgets to put me on hold, so the call is NOT on MUTE. AH (to another customer care person next to her): What idiots, I have to not only take his complain, but he also expects me to set a call-back with RM
Person next to her: Yeah, but is your phone muted?
AH: Oops…(quickly puts it on mute) A minute elapses…
AH: Hello Sir, I have logged the complaint and arranged for a call-back. Your complaint number is….Anything else that I can do for you.
Me: Yeah Ma’am, try abusing customers after using the mute button.
AH: Ohh…
Me: Thanks, bye. I hang up.

I was in office. Over-worked for the day. No inclination to fight being called an idiot. Christmas Eve and all…Christmas spirit and all… I stretched and yawned. Long day ahead. Something tells me that AH’s day may seem a little longer today.

I yawned again

another hiatus, another of those occasions when the 'pause' button got pressed for a rather long period of time. and as expected, too much water has passed from under the bridge since the last time i made a mark here. here is what transpired.

1. and i won't even get started on 26th November. it hurts. still.

2. then there was that small matter of almost no longer remaining single. almost. but in another month, that 'almost' would most definitely disappear. sadly.

i did not say that. swear.

3. then, it is the work. the interesting one and the not-so-interesting one. the interesting one continues as is, the not-so-one threatens to stop. so what, one may ask. fret not, i have had the same question. wasn't this what i wanted too. and the form in which it may arrive could very well be termed as what they call, 'blessing-in-disguise'. will have to myself watch this space for more.

4. australia is 8000 km away from india. currently it seems more like 8000 light years. something tells me that for all the criticism that a ricky ponting was meted out with from me on my columns, the aussie embassy looks hell-bent on denying visa. ok, ponting is not as bad as indians made him out to be.

again. i did not say that. swear.

5. spoke with a long-lost classmate of mine from school. the conversation was a long-winding one, through the lanes of the unforgettable and the forgotten, through the recesses of wilderness, and that of embarassments. crushes, loves, crushes that turned into loves, and the ones that failed miserably, the ones that reached the doorsteps and were turned away, the ones that converted itself into brotherly loves, and the ones that sacrificed for a friend; they were all there. the jogging back teased us, and tickled the ribs out till it was time to snooze.

later made an overtly important and startling discovery that the respective better halves have their birthdays within a couple of days of ours. the eureka moment of the conversation.

5th November, 2008 and more...

The day came and went as quickly as any other day. The so-called butteflies died way before they had their effect, and the evening flew past as quickly as a tomorrow that converts itself into yesterday. I was exhausted, partly due to the running around - in the exact sense of the word - and partially due to a diminishing level of stamina that I have begun to possess.

I was satisfied. Deep down, I was happy. More than four years had been a long time. I would be lying if I said that I had waited for this day for all those four years, but there is no doubt in my mind that ever since the major troubles had erupted last March, I couldnt have dreamt about anything.

For all the different sets of people around on the day, I thought I was unusually calm from within. I had worried a little a day earlier because I loathe crowds - I usually hated giving presentations in college as well - but in the end, it had passed off miraculously well. In fact, I do not recollect most of the things, such was the daze - and hence the haze - that I was in.

As I write this, on a coolish Mumbai night, as the clock ticks another second, inching its way to 1 a.m., I cannot help but feel a little nostalgic. In fact, today's incidents have left me in a rather pot-pourrish-state; extremely happy for someone, puzzled by something, sad due to another, and to an extent, irritated by something else.

Yet, the reasons gel to leave me thinking of turning back the time, and changing a few things here and there. And yet again, I do not want to. I want to just look back, and wonder and ponder.

I would give anything to sit next to the bus-stop in front of Lacoste. For once. For a month.
I would give anything to have been away from people I shouldnt have met in the first place.
I would give anything to smell a friend's lawn's mud, where we spent an hour every month.

I love this tingling sensation that I feel right now. Nostalgic hits me hard, and well.

Random thoughts...and all that

Again, it has been some time. Long time. But this dual nature of occupation, that includes my avocation (GRE word, look it up) swallows up the time without thinking too many times, like a lizard on the wall does to a fly. Or a python to a rabbit. Or someone else to another someone. I forget both the names here. (of the someone)

Not even twice it thinks.

No excuses, and no, frankly, for a change I have not even been lazy.

Talking about the stuff in life, the C-day is coming closer; yes, that is right, the day before the D-day. D-day happens much later. The realisation dawning slowly, but the 'dress-rehersal' before the D-day should tell me how I feel.

Talking of this previous line, I have been asked - as is the people's wont - about how I feel. And I shall reiterate the same that I have, above. Haven't got much chance to let the thinking process to even commence; let alone the hows, whats and the what-ifs of the whole process.

Lately, I have been suffering from a new syndrome. It is called the 'Sleepless Sunday-night Syndrome' or SSS. As the name suggests, SSS strikes on Sundays (with the exception being any other weekday holiday that is followed by a working day), and gets into a debate with my eyes at that exact time when I hit the bed on a Sunday night. It vetos the fundamental rights of sleeping soundly, till much after the stress induced by the realisation that a client-call next day late in the evening would mean really long hours at work push the eyes wide-awake. This forms the input to another syndrome that others know as the Monday Morning Blues (MMB).

For me, the MMB is just an extension of SSS, and can be really damaging in certain scenarios; especially with the kind of role that I need to perform. Anyways...

Oh and yes, today is Diwali. Holiday. Which means that a minor tremor of a variation of SSS may be felt today as well. Luckily, I have had a tiring day, and so, could probably help my cause.
And to end this 'random' piece, there is good news. Had a conversation with a couple of them today, and the list of 'clientele' has been propped up again. November should be good.

Yawn...I am sleepy. Might just not be hit by SSS today.

Arbit thoughts

Lessons/experiences/secrets from the recent past:
1. Getting out of the proverbial jail is always a good thing. However, it is much better, to avoid getting inside it.
2. Some think that pretending to do one good overshadows the one bad they have done. I wonder why. Probably they think that the rest of them are dimwits. Probably.
3. Cricket World Cup years have not been so good so far for me. 1992 saw me have chicken pox, 2003 saw a break-up, and 2007 saw a motley of events that attempted to screw happiness. Attempted only. Did not actually. Of the three, the chicken pox was the worst; the doctor did not allow me to watch the matches as they would aggravate the same. Kuchh bhi man.
4. I love reality shows. How much ever stage managed they are, I do. But I have used my mobile phone to vote out someone only once. It was Rakhee Sawant in the first season of Bigg Boss.
5. Talking of her, my feelings for Ms. Sawant are as lovely as for some of them whom I met in the last couple of years. Lesser said the better though, public channel here and all.
6. Continuing with Ms. Sawant, argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh....the only reaction that comes to mind.
7. Moving on, it is good to move on. And it is the most difficult thing to do.
8. The worst of times sometimes bring out the best of results. And in more ways of than one. No, I have not copied this from a book on philosophy, a first hand experience talking.
9. I recently was a spectator to an appraisal cycle. I mut say that almost all the people took the whole thing very well.
10. Whatever goes around, comes around. Patience is the key. Someone frustrated yours truly in the month of May because the person did not respond to me. Three months down the line, I became the person's primary requirement. With no hard feelings, I can only say that I could not have been gladder to have spoken to the person. Amazing things in store.
11. Opportunity really comes when one ain't looking. Most do not realise it is an opportunity. Nor did I. I just got lucky.
12. Beyond a certain point, money means nothing.
13. Beyond a certain point, most people also mean nothing.
14. It is time that Sachin Tendulkar thinks about his life after cricket. His body would now be creaking on every movement that he makes. Dude, have you heard of this punctuation called full stop?
15. The same goes for some other cricketers as well.
16. Why is Harshad Warsi not hosting Bigg Boss-II? Shilpa Shetty is good looking and all that, but not half as good as what Messr Warsi was.
17. In case you still don't get it, I dislike Rakhee Sawant from the bottom of heart. They say it is good to have someone so in-your-face so that one does not back-stab. In your face does not mean that you spit in your face and get away, aint it?

Itna-ich for now. Will be back with more in some days.

Too surprised

Second post in two days. I must be kidding.

Rather, today, there is a feeling of vindication. A sense of 'I-told-you-so'. And a sense of high ended irritation about what has actually happened. In the end my perception about this particular person did come out right, only problem being that it does not help me any more and the person has managed to screw up things for some other people.

I can only be thankful that I did not succumb to what one could have at that time, and took the way out.

I would not be too off the mark if I said that this person was the best fake I have seen in my time of existence. Best because it has taken many of us over months and years to realise this. So dear person, you rocked while you could, unfortunately, you managed to rock people's life now. And thats the saddest thing you could. I pity you.

And I pity some others around.

It's all happening

Clearly it looks like I have moved on. That is definitely not the truth. I still miss you and think about you daily. But had no time whatsoever, to talk to you.

My dear blog.

Normally, updating on what is happening in life was a daily activity. But the way the events have shaped up in my life in the last couple of months have ensured that the only time that I could ever deem as free were the eight hours of snooze that I managed through the night. Someone asked me a question. Where had I disappeared.

I said I was in heaven. No, I was alive. Yet, I was there.

In heaven.

Oh, and for that matter, I still am.

Very soon, and I am talking of a period of around an year, or probably even lesser than that, I would have to make a decision. A call. A very tough one at that. Shall see after that.

As for updates, Accenture's good. I would not mind sticking my head out and saying that this was exactly the profile I was aiming for, around two years back, when MBA had just begun. So, it does make me happy. Having said that, the difference in these two years is that things have changed. Drastically. And in more ways than one. I am closer to my dream than I ever was. Ever thought I could be. This latest twist in the tale has been as surprising as an Alfred Hitchcock thriller and has put me in a quandry. A quandry I would want to be in, any day.

For now, its all happening.

Updates and more...

Another long hiatus, another neglect! But then, such is life that when one gets better things, one forgets the good ones! Just like I have forgotten my blog. Or not exactly forgotten, but probably put it into the deep recesses of the mind, making it difficult for me to get it out of there.

The update from my life has been good enough. The rendezvous with cricket writing continues to yield good results for me, and I am getting convinced about certain things associated with it by the minute. With the job at Accenture coming around, the writing has happened at a feverish pace, but it has definitely helped me that I have shifted to a house which is exactly six minutes away from my office.

The flip to that obviously is that the next time I bunk office - like is my wont - I would not have the excuse that it seemed so far!

There are indications, that the work would barrage me with its presence in the coming week or so, for now its more of the document reading and self based training. So, its pretty chilled. The cafeterias in the office are humongous and ther are atleast eight different caterers around. I have gone on an experimenting spree and am trying out a new dish every meal, and I can safely vouch for the fact that it would take me a zillion years and more to try every bit on the menu. I hope I stick to the job that long. So far, there have not been too many favourites though.

Getting back to the rented appartment, have shifted in with a couple of guys, one of whom was an acquaintance earlier. Its been fun so far, though I must admit that I have spoilt his habits by making them watch the boring, one-sided cricket matches of the Asia Cup. And post that, we have also had the fortune of viewing a couple of movies on my laptop.

Speaking of which, my lappy seems to be on the last stretch of its life. As if the constant crashing - at the rate of once every couple of hours - was not good enough, it has started to cause me some hair raising experiences; er, its battery lasts for fifteen minutes flat, and once put on the charger, it becomes untouchable with the shocks it emanates! Such is life!

Back to my microcosm called cricket. Yo.