Services at 6 p.m., I write this at 4!

So here are the exams.

Not just any ordinary ones, but a unique set of eight papers, ones that would, or probably should, go down in the history of my exam writing.

Simply because they are the last set of exams, I - hopefully - take in my studying career.

After this, there is no looking back, no studies per se, only work, and more work.

I am already bored with these exams. Hopefully I should be able to see through them like an opener sees through the new ball. Or the audience see through Kareena Kapoor, Rakhee Sawant or any such other good actors on television, movie halls or JW Marriot. Or wherever.

And talking of openers - and cricket - Bhajji's suspension has upset everyone, but Ponting has said that the game was being played "in the 'spirit' of the game". I think that Ponting was under the influence of 'spirits' - that the post match celebrations would have afforded him - when he said this. I give him the benefit of doubt.

And then there was the small matter of Symonds going to Mamma Bucknor to complain, "Mummy mummy, that sardar is calling me a monkey." Mamma Bucknor then goes to Pappa Procter and complains Bhajji's folly. Pappa raps Harbhajan's knuckles. That should teach you Bhajji. How could you 'abuse' kids? Khelne do unko. Have they ever bothered you?

Then comes another man Benson and asks Ponting whether they had caught the ball? He said yes. What's Ponting's fault? He only meant that he caught the ball off the first bounce, Benson hadn't clarified. Fully exonerated according to me.

But on a more serious note, I think one thing could be added to this. To avoid confusion, instead of asking only the fielder or the batsmen, the umpire should ask the viewing audience.

"Aapke saamne hain Umpire Benson, aur woh is duvidha may fas gaye hain. Aapke paas do options hain, out ya notout. Voting pads aapke saamne hain, aur out dene ke liye type karein OUT aur bhej dein 57777 pe. Notout ke liye, NO 57777 pe. Aapka samay shuru hota hai ab."

And then based on the poll result decide the verdict.

On a very serious note, the third umpire could be referred to. As someone said, he does not get paid to eat sandwiches in the air conditioned rooms.

The best line I heard was this one "There is one reason why cleaning sewage pipes, wiping one's rectal orifice and playing cricket in Australia can all be referred to as attending to things Down Under".

The verbose Sidhu came up with a close second, "Bucknor is as insensitive to Indian appeals as the tilet seat." Poor poor Bucknor, he may need to approach Dravid for some lorenze drops now. Err...because he needs medicine. Whatever.