The Secret behind Jelly Beans!

A lot has been made of the Jelly Beans incident, the English cricketers apparently threw some Jelly Beans on the pitch when Zaheer Khan came out to bat. That apparently 'pissed' the guy so much that he came out to bowl with a vengeance, and ended up taking five wickets.

India won.

And thus, the English Media found a new villain. Jelly Beans. India won because of the Jelly Beans. And because of the puerile behaviour of the English Cricketers. Kiddish they said.

Kiddish? Give me the name of one Kid who would throw Jelly Beans away? Why would a kid even think of sharing it with some one, let alone wasting such a precious resource. So, how could you think of calling'em kiddish. In fact, I would call 'em matured, and very adult. So much that wanted to prove it by throwing all the candies away. Onto the pitch.

Here is the excerpt of the conversation that may have taken place between the matured fielders and a pissed-off Zaheer Khan.

Zaheer comes to bat.

English Fielder - 1: There comes Zaheer. Our tormentor-in-chief of the first innings. Can we try and do something so that he does not repeat the same?

EF - 2: Hmmm, not a bad idea. How much money do you have in your pocket right now?

EF - 1: Money? Oh well, I dont have cash, you know, these anti-corrption, anti-match fixing guys, am too scared. But well, I do have a cheque, 36 pounds, wanted to pay the water bill. Then I realised that all the water that comes to my house is because of the rains here in England, even in summers. So gave up on the idea of paying any bills. You can have this.

EF - 3 joins in: Hey, but won't the same be taxable? I mean, we may have also to pay some taxes on it? Plus, what if he deposits the money in one of the banks where we hold our accounts. It would be easy to trace the money back to us. We may get caught.

EF - 1: True...let's think of some other way to entice him.

EF - 2: Shhhh....Here comes the bowler, drop a catch if it comes to you, may earn his goodwill.

EF - 1: Goodwill? No that is quite dangerous. These days, Goodwill forms a major part of the Balanced Sheet or the Profit and Loss accounts, that means it is equivalent to providing him monetary gains. Again, the Anti-Corruption Squad may hold us responsible.

Zaheer Khan leaves the delivery alone.

EF - 2: What about some sweets? Someting like a Rosgollah? Or say Kaajoo Kattri?

EF - 1: You fool, where would you get Rosgollah in Nottingham? But sweet, is a good idea. It is not only a shrt term solution, but in the long term, it may end up causing him health problems. We can also try and sell him some health insurance after giving him something sweet. What say?

EF - 3: Jelly Bean? I have a packet full of 'em in my pocket. Didnt want the Bowling Coach, Allan Donald to pop any of 'em in his mouth. Got them along.

EF - 1: Not a bad idea. What say guys? What say skipper?

Zaheer Khan, in the meantime has left another delivery.

Skipper: Do whatever it takes to save this match. I lose the match, I lose my job and I am going to ensure you guys get a pink slip too.

EF - 1: Hey Skip, this is cricket, ain't your company!

Skipper: Alrite, whatever, pink slips or red cards or whatever. You would follow me out. Now quick, do something.

EF - 1: OK. Here goes.

He calls out.

"Hey Zaheer."

Zaheer: Yeah?

EF - 1: Want some Jelly Beans? I have one whole packet. And some more at the hotel as well.

Zaheer is an Indian, he barely knows what Jelly Beans are. He so wishes he had the team's Computer Analyst to help him search for what Jelly Beans are. To "google it" as they say. "Damn, wish I knew my computers", he thinks. But obviously he cannot show his ignorance.

He retorts back.

"Just because you guys get a Delhi Belly when you come to India, you repaying the compliment back by giving me the 'Jelly Belly'? You think I am a fool to have it?

EF - 1: No no, it is not what you think it is. Here check it out.

And he throws a couple of them on to the pitch. Now looking at the Jelly Beans, Zaheer reliases that they look good! Would have tasted good as well. But now, he cannot back track.

So he goes to the umpire Simon Taufel and complains.

Zaheer: Hey Simon, these guys throwing Jelly beans on the pitch. The pitch may get infected by ants. It is proved scientifically, that 64% of the Ants are majorly attracted by Jelly beans. Do something about it Simon. We Indians, would never ask you "to go back".

Zaheer acted as if he was pissed. He was actually pissed. Not on the fielders, but on himself, to have let go of an opportunity of getting a cool packet or two of Jelly beans for him and Rakshanda. Damn he said.

And that is how, the umpires intervened, and the story unfolded. Kindly do not blame the English team for the fiasco. Especially the three fielders in question. They were just trying to win it for their team! Zaheer's fault. Totally, Zaheer's fault that England lost.

What else can you blame? Weather? Pollution? Rain? Bad health? No more 'valid' reasons left, aint it?