Spiderman III - A Film "Review"

I watched Spiderman III in English today. The "in English" portion of the statement is very important here. It actually seemed that the movie was a Bollywood creation, dubbed in English. Serious. No Jokes.

Picture this. One Hero. One Heroine. Three Villains. One Confused Soul who couldn't decide whether he was a Hero or a Villain. One convoluted plot. Many Jerky chase sequences. Kidnapping. Rescue Attempt by Hero. The confused soul turns Hero-like. Saves the Hero from the Villains. Sacrifices his own life. Villains die. Hero gets the Heroine. A typical Bollywood pot boiler.

Now replace Hero by Spiderman. Heroine by MJ. Villains by Black Man, Sand Man, and a third, whose name I don't recollect. Doesn't matter as well. The plot, as I have already explained.
Spiderman makes out with the Heroine. Upsets the confused Soul, who's also in love with the Heroine. He wears some funny Villain Uniform that allows him to fly on his roller skates. Confused Soul tries to kill Spidey. Loses memory in the process. We yawn.

Enter Villain 2. Sand-man. He tries to kill Spidey. Our Spidey is smart. He pours water over his aspirations and his head. Sand man dissolves his sorrow and himself in it.

Villain 3. Here the plot gets confusing. A Black spooky substance sticks to Spiderman. He becomes Black Spidey. Or so I call him. Behaves irrationally. Slaps Heroine. Heroine distressed. Spidey realises mistake and throws his Black Uniform away. Some snore.

Gets his original Blue and Red Unifrom washed, ironed and properly primmed. Gets back to his normal self. But the black spook sticks to another guy, who assumes the new role of villain 3. Sand Man returns. Sand man and Black Spidey become friends. Blackie says, "Dushman ka Dushman, Dost hota hai". Or some thing to that effect. Both kidnap heroine. Spidey gets help from confused soul, who is a changed man now. Black Spidey tries to kill real Spidey. Confused Soul comes in way. Gets killed. Spidey angry. Kills everyone bad around him. We get ready to leave.

Then Spidey and Heroine live happily thereafter. And we are filled with sadness.

I haven't added the jerky chase sequences where we could not guess who was chasing whom. Or, what was chasing what? And the same question with "why". Also, there was a small part when Spidey kisses another gal. A White Haired Witch. Heroine upset. Dunno why. Probably, it's bad for the image of Spidey to be kissing Witches. Just guessing. And to add the final icing to the cake, there was a song in the end as well. At least I imagined there was.

The hot dog costed 60 bucks. Too much mustard. The caramel popcorn was good. And there was a couple behind us, who did their best to prove that they are going to help India qualify for the next Soccer World Cup. Couldn't do their stuff in peace. Maradonna and his Madonna. Ok, bad joke. Such was the movie, and it's effect on us.

Moral: Never spend 150 bucks on any movie. Especially if it is a Hollywood Movie that lasts for a minute more than 90. Hollywood has yet to emulate us in making "good, long" movies!