The Storm before the Calm

Watched Dil Chahata Hai last week. After a long time, that is.

Had plans to doze off early that night. Hit the bed at eleven. And, at the eleventh hour decided to do some surfing. Mistake. Big Mistake. DCH ensured that I did not sleep before one.

There are certain movies, plays, TV episodes, entities….even conversations with people that are just perfect. One cannot think of modifying or wanting to modify anything in 'em. DCH is one such movie. A movie that uses understatements and silences to convey everything it wants to. And much beyond.

One scene that stands out in the movie is the one having Aakash pass by his college, and remember those better days, when he was with his closest friends. When life was so uncomplicated. When life was fun. He sees himself with the other two. The expressions on both the Aakash's face are unbelievable. Say a lot without saying anything. The music in the background is surreal. One of the very, very few movie scenes that make me go weak in my knees.

Watching the movie and remembering that scene right now, I also remember two people. People whose names I would not like to mention, but I still think about. I wonder where they would be. Got no clue about the same. Though, I do wish that our paths do cross some time. Where we get a chance to explain ourselves. And talk about the gibberish we always did. The three of us, together. Mind you, I am not sorry one bit for what happened. Not an inch.

But I would be the first to admit. I am selfish. I remember the two of 'em only when I want to. Remembering them is almost like an antidote to what happened. When I am sitting alone, the clock wanting to tick away to the next day, when nothing else works on my mind, when I get hit by a bout of those rhetoric…I think of them. The feeling of lifting the phone up and corresponding hits.

The feeling is like that of a pain that a masochist enjoys.

A feeling of loneliness that gives pleasure.

A feeling of valium-induced light headedness.

But, I do nothing about it.

And then I sleep.

Then comes the next day. Things are back to normal. Back to where they were before. Back to the rigmarole of the present, where the past has no meaning whatsoever, and the future is as mysterious. They had disappeared from my life and have long disappeared from the mind. Like a bad nightmare of the previous night. I soon suffer from amnesia.

It's better this way. It's calm. It's peace.

Except for those moments when I wonder. When the mind goes into a tailspin.

It's a serious calm otherwise.